THE BACHELORETTE EPISODE 1: HERE WE JOOOOO!

Okay, I might be a little late to the party – but it’s better late than never, right?! It’s been one heck of a week and I’ve finally had a sec to spill my thoughts on Monday’s episode of The Bachelorette.

I can’t tell you how excited I am for this new season. I’m happily passing the torch – and by “passing the torch”, I fully mean forcing JoJo to take it. I physically threw it at her and screamed TAKE IT!!

When my season was airing, I dealt with overwhelming anxiety every Monday (and Tuesday through Sunday). I was eager to see my love story with Shawn unfold, but experiencing scrutiny from what felt like everyone over EVERY tiny thing I did – from my appearance to my choices – was difficult. I’m happy to have done the show, because it inevitably led me to Shawn. But once the season was over – we were so glad to finally just be together. The constant scrutiny died down and we were free to enjoy our time alone. When you’re in love, all you want to do is shout it from the top of a mountain – or accidentally Snapchat it. Whatever.

KB Season

I imagine JoJo might be feeling some of that all-consuming stress right now. Girl, you’ll get through it! If I can, anyone can. And I already know JoJo will be a great bachelorette! So guys, take it easy on her.

With that said, let’s take a look at the first week!

The episode reminded us that on The Bachelor, Ben told JoJo he would never blindside her – and then he kind of did. And by kind of – I mean he straight up blindsided her. Hey, it happens. Some of us unlucky ones know what that feels like from both sides. Neither is fun. So, I think by now America and JoJo are all, “Ben there, done that!” (DANGIT, I’m going to miss the Ben play-on-words, but there are just as many JoJo puns to come). It’s time to move forward with 25 new men for JoJo, but first, a little advice from some pretty sweet former bachelorettes.

HEY, WHY DIDN’T I GET THAT?!

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First, I told JoJo that my only regret was living in the moment so much that I didn’t take the time to breathe and take a step back. Being the bachelorette is like being in a glass case of emotions. When you’re always living in the moment, it comes with stress, confusion and anxiety.

By the way, I didn’t realize we were supposed to dress up for that! #ChucksAllDayEveryDay.

What you didn’t see was that after we gave JoJo her little pep talk, everyone left except for me. I waited around to give advice to the other bachelorette – but then I realized THERE’S ONLY ONE THIS YEAR! My bad. So, I made myself useful – cleaned the driveway, filled the limos with gas, checked that the pool was a good temperature (in case a drunk contestant were to take a plunge)– and then left.

Now JoJo was ready to meet her guys. But nobody promised they would all be decent…

jojo and guys

Here are my first impressions! It doesn’t include everyone, just a few standouts (not all of them for positive reasons).

GRANT: the firefighter who promised JoJo he would not fall in love with two girls, like Ben did with her. Way to bring up a sore spot! And, he even thought that there were two bachelorettes this season. So, that only happened to Britt, and me huh?

JORDAN: oh, I think it’s safe to say JoJo likes Jordan. Plus, he has the second best hair in Bachelorette history. I think you all know that first place goes to Shawn to the mother effin’ B. Let’s not forget who got my first impression rose…

jordan

JAMES S: the Bachelor super fan, clearly more excited to meet Chris Harrison than JoJo herself. Buddy, you’re scaring us.

EVAN: the guy who works at an erectile dysfunction clinic and is going to run with that as long as possible. He was hitting us left and right with erection one-liners! The D innuendos didn’t end with him either. No, seriously, so many junk references this year! What’s up with that?

ALI: precious little pianist. I said PIANIST.

LUKE: cutie. We like him for JoJo, right? Sure his unicorn entrance was a little cheesy, but it caught my attention.

COCONUT: I love you.

ROBBY: takes swigs straight out of the bottle. I like his style.

WILL: hey, you dropped those cards on purpose. And where can I send you a sympathy card for that sad first kiss?

CHAD: oh, you’re coming off a little cocky, aren’t ya?

DANIEL: damn Daniel, you make it seem like we just got access to the worldwide web up in Canada – “have you been following the Internet”? Also, no, it’s not customary for Canadians to poke strangers in their belly button. We only do that when we meet the Pillsbury Doughboy, and THAT is a worldwide known fact. Finally, it’s never a good idea to strip down and jump into the pool on night one. Ask Ryan McDill how that turned out for him.

JON: the other Vancouver guy. He says he is of Scottish and Chinese heritage but assures JoJo he’s Scottish below the waist. Har har har. Girls love it when guys reference the size of their D (peppered in with some stereotyping) all in the first few seconds of meeting each other. I can’t believe he didn’t get a rose! Not.

NICK B: aka Saint Nick aka Santa Claus. First of all, I know you’re not the real Santa Claus. I’m old enough to know how it works. But I also know that you work for him. And I’m pretty sure the real Santa would fire you for that “Jo-Jo-Jo” business. No, no, NO.

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(I so badly want to give you my personal picks for JoJo, but there’s a reason why I can’t. I’ll fill you in later).

Finally, we’re on to the rose ceremony. As if the first night already isn’t long enough – Jake Pavelka stalls things further by strolling in 18 hours late for our Bachelorette pep talk with JoJo! I’m kidding – he wasn’t invited to that. He crashes the ceremony and makes it terribly awkward for the guys (and JoJo). What was the point?

See you on the wings of love, Jake.

The previews for the rest of the season make it seem like there’s a guy with a girlfriend back home, another one might have anger issues and there’s a definite rivalry between two other guys. Then a bad boy tempts JoJo, she falls in love with more than one guy and someone gets a mom haircut (I made that last one up).

It all looks dramatic AF.

I’m here to tell you, it may or may not be the most dramatic season in Bachelorette HERstory. But I do hope it ends with JoJo being happy.

She deserves it!

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Love,

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19 thoughts on “THE BACHELORETTE EPISODE 1: HERE WE JOOOOO!

  1. Amy says:

    This is perfect! But now I want to know why you can’t say who your personal pick is for Jojo! I also like Jordan… A lot! Daniel… Way to represent Vancouver (I cringed the whole time) and obviously she kept him for the drama factor. I’m excited to watch! With your season I looked up the spoilers so I knew it was Shaun all along! I kinda wish I didn’t so this season I will be watching without spoilers! Let the games begin!

  2. Evangeline says:

    Such a great recap! Can’t wait to read more throughout the rest of the season! Keep up the good work!

  3. Victoria says:

    I love reading your blog! You are so very kind and not stalker like or anything but I enjoy seeing you and Shawn so happy! Team Boothstowe!

  4. Isis says:

    👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

  5. Blair Claw says:

    Yay Kaitlyn – looking forward to continuing to enjoy your humor THIS season too!

  6. Andrea says:

    I love your recap! I honestly think you were the best bachelorette of all time, most laid back and hilarious. Fun to watch minus the drama fest between Shawn and Nick haha I’m glad you picked Shawn you guys are great together!! I don’t blame u for feeling salty about two bachelorettes too!! That was so strange and un fair!! They didn’t make Ben have Nick there either for the Bachelor! Wtf well anyways, I look forward to your blog this season! 🙂

  7. Sydney says:

    My personal favorite guy that walked through was Alex! He’s sooooo perfect! That Jordan guy gives me a bad feeling…

  8. Markie says:

    Hahaha I was so wondering why you were casually dressed loved that you answered it. Love that you and Shawn are so happy!

  9. Emma says:

    I love this so much and I cracked up through all of it!

  10. EB Wells says:

    I’m so team Luke! Jordan seems like a total dog if his ex girlfriends Instagram post is to be believed. I’ve seen some people calling her out for being just a crazy ex but remember Jordan brought up their relationship on his intro video and said she fell out of love with him bc he was working so hard all the time. I’d be pissed if I were her and she had every right to set the record straight. A failed pro player who is chasing both fame and skirts? No thanks!

  11. Happy says:

    Great recap! Please consider adding pics with captions and gifs for the rest of the episodes. You have the potential to be the funniest bach blogger out there! Can’t wait to read them.

  12. Nat says:

    Love your blog. Funny and light hearted. I look forward to reading it every week. It must be such a relief to be a spectator rather than being the one watched. Love you and Shawn together!!!

  13. Linda says:

    It’s p****ing me off that The Bachelor insists on choosing the worst guys ever from Canada! It’s making us look really bad! And where they show most guys name, then occupation, then where they’re from, they simply show occupation for Daniel as “Canadian” like we’re something completely different from everyone else!

  14. Sandal says:

    Come on !!! We all know who she picks!!!! right!!!! Kaitlyn you know!!!

  15. Deanna says:

    You are by far the best bachelorette and I delight in your love story. Can’t wait to read more on your blog, but my pick for JoJo is Robby.

  16. Cindy T. says:

    Why is there one hated person on each season? Maybe Olivia and Chad need to hook up. Lol

  17. Raquel says:

    You are a HOOT Kaitlyn …. too dang funny sister friend.

  18. Mariana says:

    Love your sense of humour girl! Love from Uruguay

  19. Kuku says:

    Team Jordan all the way. Here in SA watching episode 3 but i caught up on YouTube. But u and Shawn are my favourites so far. Cant wait to see u guys married.😍

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