HELLO MONDAY!!! The day of the week I used to dread, and now embrace!
I used to dread Mondays. What will the episode’s look like? What will people judge me for? How many people would like me? How many would I piss off? It was an overwhelming amount of pressure, especially given the title of “the most controversial bachelorette”.
My most commonly asked question every single day is: how was my experience on The Bachelorette? In a nutshell, it was crazier, more stressful and more exciting than I could have ever imagined! I also hadn’t thought about the whole emotional roller coaster that would happen when we were done filming, and once the show was airing. I soon realized the power of editing, and the harsh realities of what I had signed up for by agreeing to be on a reality TV show quickly hit me.
Some days were great, and I had so much fun, globe-trotting with handsome guys, going on extravagant dates, feeling like I was in the driver seat, and calling the shots. Other days, I couldn’t get out of bed. I didn’t know how I would get through a group date with 10 guys, and some of them I knew I had no feelings for. Some days I was running on 1 hour sleep, a body full of booze, cramps and zits. Definitely not the ideal combo to feeling my best– and on national TV at that! No matter how I felt though, the show had to go on, and I would have to lead the date with smiles and full energy. Every hour of sleep counted to recharge my batteries, and I would pray my adrenaline would kick in, yet again. Having a connection with Shawn early on kept me excited about moving on, and without him knowing, he built my confidence when I would need it most.
During my experience on the show, I was only surrounded by producers, and a group of guys who I wasn’t sure were actually falling in love with me, or just wanted to stay in the Bachelor mansion another week. At the same time, I wasn’t sure if I was falling in love with them either, or if it was the romantic setting and the idea that I was falling for.
On Chris Soules’ season of the Bachelor, the producers became my family. Not having a phone, the internet, friends, and family became so lonely. I confided and trusted producers and cast–it quickly became my new reality, sometimes forgetting we were filming a TV show.
This was definitely a once in a lifetime experience, and I don’t use the term ONCE loosely. I couldn’t do it again. One, because I found the love of my life, but secondly, I don’t think I could physically and emotionally do it again.
A total candid moment that I’ll share with you guys… I lost hair… I woke up with 2 bald spots due to stress. I would watch wrinkles form on my face, and I could just feel my body and mind breaking down. The only thing keeping me going, was knowing that this was such a unique and crazy opportunity and that this would all be worth while if I found my guy throughout this process.
I love our story, and I’m excited to tell our kids one day that Shawn and I met on The Bachelorette. I’ve met amazing people because of the show and I learned a lot about myself.
Who would have ever thought that going on a TV show would be the most difficult thing I’ve done to date, but also the most rewarding?! Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same. ***
Photo Credit | Karolina Turek